I have found myself apologizing a lot lately. I think that women do this quite frequently. I read in a book or heard someone say that its like women are apologizing for taking up space, apologizing for existing.
The truth is, I'm not sorry. I am just saying it so that I won't seem like a bitch. It is my way of saying 'I am self aware enough to know that this is a bit harsh, might make you uncomfortable, might not be the 'appropriate' thing to say, might inconvenience you.' That is too much to say so all that comes out is "I'm sorry . . . but".
Here are some things I am not sorry for
1. Having a strong opinion on most everything. If you have a good argument I might be swayed, but most of the time if I'm getting that heated about something, I have spent some time thinking about it.
2. Being angry. I was angry a lot last week during Violence Against Women Awareness Week. I was angry at the ways that I feel like people pay lip service to caring about our cause, but then don't show up when I feel like it counts. I could write a lot here about women and anger, but I think I'll save that for another uplifting post.
3. Asking you to do something for me. I can't think of a specific instance, but I feel like anytime I need to ask someone to do me a favor or help me out, I have to apologize. Maybe sometimes I feel genuine, but most of the time it is because I don't want people to think I am taking advantage of them.
4. Swearing, cussing, dropping the 'f'' bomb, what have you. The truth is, if I really felt bad, I wouldn't do it.
I have a very strong urge here to disclaim all of these things in an attempt to appear more balanced, but I think I'm going to practice what I'm preaching and let them be.