Saturday, January 26, 2008

There is a wedding in my future

I know that title was misleading because really I have weddings (in the plural) in my future. I have the honor of being in two dear friends weddings this spring , my mom will be having a reception after her beach wedding, and I just added another to the list. My stepsister called last night to tell me that she is engaged!!! What a surprise. I had just found out that they were thinking about getting married during Christmas.
I have always wondered what it would be like when one of us girls gets married. I have three sisters and a brother. I know that whatever men join our family are in for a real treat! All of my sisters and I are not exactly the quiet passive type. I have had visions of future family gatherings with all of us women in a room having a heated conversation, being pretty loud, laughing obnoxiously, and spouses in another room drinking large amounts of alcohol in an attempt to survive the beautiful dysfunction that is my family.
The new brother, Scotty, is a wonderful man. He loves my sister, Kelsey (we have the same name, its awesome, which is why I sometimes specify her as my stepsister) in wonderful ways. He lets her be the strong woman she was created to be and challenges her to live into her full potential.
Scotty you're a winner. Welcome to the family, you have no idea what you are getting yourself into. Don't worry, in the midst of all the drama, there is a lot of laughter and deep care for one another. I am excited to have you be a part of it :)

P.S. I realize that I might be violating some blogging rule by using names, but until this site is paying my salary ( it won't change. I can't be bothered by the rules.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Church makes me cranky

It's true. I grew up in church that was not perfect, but I knew wonderful people there. They knew me and my family for the majority of my adolescent life. Even though I may not be on the same doctrinal page as most people there, whenever I sit in those uncomfortable pews there is a sense of being home, of being known (I guess having been known, in the past tense, I haven't been able to share much of my life with people there since I have been in Seattle, there is of course exceptions to this, hi Erin).
I have tried my round of consuming church and 'church shopping.' But that is all it has been, consuming, my commitments at school kept me incredibly busy (in a very not balanced way) and I was never really able to invest in a church. The idea of going to church and needing to form deep relationships seems exhausting. See, I have a wonderful faith community here at school. It doesn't take place on Sundays and there usually isn't dimly lit rooms with emotional acoustic worship music. I am in a class right now where we are learning about hunger, its causes and our responsibilities to it as Christians, this feels like 'church' to me. I have wonderful friends of deep faith who help me ask the hard questions and give me the look when I am being ridiculous and need to calm down. It is not Christians that make me cranky, it is something about what takes place on Sundays that I feel so much anxiety about.
I take church pretty seriously and I want to be in a place that I can commit to and share my life deeply with the people there. This doesn't happen after a couple of Sundays and I get nervous that I will start going somewhere and then realize something about their doctrine that I just can't be a part of. The way I know and experience God has changed in a lot of ways these past four years, and the journey has been a beautiful, painful, mess. I want to be in a place where I can experience and offer grace, where we are all working together to love the poor widowed and the orphaned, and we can honor the diverse ways in which we reflect God's image.

All of that to say, I don't have a consistent church yet, I've found a pretty great group of mennonites that I think are doing a lot of these things well. I'll let you know how it goes.

Friday, January 18, 2008


I just watched a documentary called "Dreamworlds 3". It is a documentary that shows the harmful messages in hip hop and rock videos and how what is acted out in film gets translated to real life. I am not going to explain all of the points made in the film because I won't do them justice and it really is the kind of thing you just need to watch for yourself. Ugh, I have so many thoughts about this I don't even know where to begin. I think that I will just chat about one of the concepts that alarms me most. The complete objectification of women in these videos. I (and I think most women) try to view ourselves as whole people who have intellect, emotion, desire, spirituality, passions, and sexuality. We are not just our sex appeal and the currency that that provides. It is alarming to me that as humans we can see each other only as objects. I know the word "objectification" gets thrown around a lot, but when we think about it as not seeing the humanity in another person it seems much more degrading. There is a lot more for me to say and I am sure I will at some point, but this will be it for now.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Just one of those days

It's just been a funk of a week. Which is code for really shitty. Ok, I will stop being quite so dramatic. I have food on my table, a wonderful apartment, and a beautiful soul of a roommate. It just seems that all of the little drama's are adding up to the 'bleh' feeling. A friend's parents are going through a messy divorce and leaving in the wake five beautiful children. I had a frustrating conversation with the madrastra with a healthy reminder that my family will always be a bit crazy. I've had some intense meetings, the interactions have been fine, but the subject is a bit much sometimes. The wonderful children I nanny for are going through stage where my presence seems to be the doom of their life.
But there have been some really wonderful moments. Greenlake with the Sophia women is always a healthy reality check in the world of evangelicalism I exist in. Although the children I nanny for are a bit sassy right now, I did get to spend a precious hour with a certain sweet red head reading stories about freedom. My mom let me be a bit of a brat on the phone and kindly suggested that we talk when I wasn't so angry and then when I called back she thanked me for making her think. In the midst of the family craziness my dad does try to take care of me (I don't exactly make this very easy). I get to watch Holly and Dustin be really sassy and really patient and it gives me hope that there are relationships where you can be your real self.

Ok, I must go be a college student and read Comte.


I feel that realistic expectations are always important. So let's be real. . .

1. I am a bad writer, and sometimes I try to be creative and witty which usually leads to more bad writing. I am sorry, but you will just have to deal.

2. Sometimes I say things that make me seem like a polarized brat, but in real life I think I am a pretty nice person. I can usually understand the other side in most situations, I'm just working on not apologizing for the things I think.

3. I use foul language. Many a people have tried to hold me "accountable" for this. It doesn't work.

4. I try to love God and my neighbor, but it is usually pretty messy and pretty irreverent.

That is all for now, but I am sure there is more.


Dear Blog,
I am sorry it has taken me so long to commit to you. I was bit nervous, nervous that I would tell you things in a moment of rash judgment about the world and then I would be misunderstood. This will probably happen, but I have decided to risk it. The other reason is a bit more shallow. I have broken up with my TV. It wasn't a tragic ending he was just too expensive to maintain. I no longer have hours of Jon and Kate Plus 8 to turn off my brain. That is why I have chosen you. I must have a way to distract myself from homework and other productive things. I hope we are a good match blog.