So what are you doing after graduation?

So. . . I'm graduating in three weeks and yes I shit my pants at least once a day when I try to think about what the HELL I am going to do in the next six months. I am typically plagued by feelings of anxiety when I think about this next season in life. Most of this is fueled by my desire/pressure to be a 'responsible' person. Because our generation is so self-esteem obsessed I have heard my whole life "Kelsey, you really are going to be something".

A. What the hell does that even mean?
B. I don't think babysitting and waitressing really qualifies

Here is the deal, I think (read: have to convince myself) that spending some time after college babysitting and doing some other side jobs is ok. I need to some time to figure out where the hell my life is going. I also have to remind myself that people who are doing wonderful things to change the world did not just arrive there one day, it has been a journey.

All of that to say I am thinking about this next season as a fresh start. I really could do anything (almost) that I want to. I am going to take some time to start dreaming. What are the things that make me feel alive? Not what I should do.

So here is my answer : "Ask not the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive . . . then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive" ~ Howard Thurman

The Sun

The sun is out people and it is a pretty big effing deal. The sun in Seattle feels different than the sun in California. Here are some comparisons for you.

Seattle sun:
The city doubles in size as people come out of hibernation and soak in as much Vitamin D as possible because you never know when it will come out again.

Everyone talks about how sunny it is outside. This is not considered a shallow conversation, but a time of rejoicing

70 degrees = tank tops

It is totally inappropriate to say or think anything negative about the warmth from the sun. Such actions will result in verbal reprimand from anyone in ear shot or the sun will hear you and go away.

People begin to say crazy things like 'I just want to get sunburned' (Holly)


California Sun

The city begins to shrink in size as people retreat to buildings with air conditioning. People know that it is about to reach about 103 degrees

Every summer seems to be 'the hottest summer we have had in years'. People can't seem to believe that they actually survived that kind of heat the previous summer, it must be hotter this year

70 degrees= possibly still sweatshirt material

Any sort of conversation about how ridiculously hot it is outside is unnecessary and results in a 'no shit sherlock' face from people around you

Jealous?

Let me tell you about a little evening ritual that the roommate and I have. Holly gets ready for bed around 10:00 (she is a very responsible adult) and I usually join her in our HUGE (and by huge I mean, when Holly has her glasses off we run into each other) bathroom for this event.

This evening we were getting ready for bed, using our new sonicare toothbrush, discussing how to save the world, you know the usual. I was wearing a white shirt and noticed that my hands look quite tan (I just spent a week in CA at a friend's wedding. To be blogged about later and possibly with pictures). While I was admiring my new hue I asked Holly "are you jealous that I am so tan right now?"

I thought I was SO funny and laughed pretty hard for awhile. Holly continued to mock the other times I have asked her similar questions. They usually go something like this. "Holly are you jealous that I can put basically any hair product in my hair and it will come out with those great 'fresh from the beach' waves?" Or, "Holly are you jealous that I can avoid taking a shower for at least three days and not have greasy hair?"

I realize that this post may make me look like a pretty vain bitch. The truth is I am not obsessed with these things. I check out my hair in the morning and whatever happens, happens. These little exchanges between Holly and I are just a way of saying "Hey, we don't hate our bodies." On most days we think they are pretty great. There are features about Holly that I am jealous of (the fact that you can actually see her eyes in pictures), but we don't spend a lot of time dwelling on it. At the end of the day our bodies are not what they look like, it is what they do. They allow us to learn, to care, to adventure, to love, to reflect a good Creator. Those things are worth dwelling on.

I've got a plan . . .

I'm a planner. I'm definitely not the kind of planner that has a color coded day tracker with them. In fact, I can't even keep a calendar, I always forget to write things in it. I'm a planner in the sense that I like to have things in my day. I don't remember the last time that I woke up and had nothing to do. On the off chance that I do wake up with nothing 'planned' for the day, that quickly changes by the time I am out of the shower. I will have a craft project, errand to run, friend to see, or even 'plan' to sit on the couch.

The problem (maybe this word will turn to 'adventure', but right now it feels like a problem) right now is that I don't have a plan. I am graduating in June. I know it is normal to feel some level of anxiety about this, but I REALLY need a plan. I go back and forth between plans. Get a real job, no, just nanny, but I need benefits, but I'm only young once (I'm not even really sure what that means). I am constantly trying to reconcile the part of me that needs to be responsible and the part of me that is scared that making responsible plans will lead to 'settling'.

My current plan is to try and learn to take a deep breath, know that I will be taken care of, and learn to live without a packed schedule.

Hope

So the Dalai Lama was in town. It was a pretty big deal. I was lucky enough to attend two days of the Seeds of Compassion event. As I was sitting in Qwest Field observing the large numbers of people that had turned out for the event, the evangelical in me reared its head and I thought 'is there a Christian leader that could draw this diverse of a crowd?' I know that Billy Graham has had huge turnouts for his events, but there was something different about the crowd at Seeds of Compassion.

We are urban dwellers with an overdeveloped social conscious that is searching for a source of real hope. The Dalai Lama spoke about the importance of not only disarming nations, but disarming ourselves. I couldn't help but think 'isn't this what Jesus said?'

Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2and he began to teach them saying:
3"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

I believe that there is something in us that hungers for blessing beyond the 'American Dream'. I long for us to know and reflect the resurrected Christ that brings peace and justice and grace. This is the power of the Gospel. Not a gospel that creates boundaries of who is in and who is out based on moral choices, but a Gospel of love offered and reflected in the incarnation of God.

I know the issue of which voices get heard in the religious marketplace are quite complex. I am not writing a doctorate thesis, just a blog, so this is all you get :)

Equal Pay Day

Today is equal pay day!!!!

You may be asking, "Kelsey, what does that mean?"

Allow me to climb onto my very important soap box, dear reader.

You see, women still make 77 cents on every dollar that men make, and it's even worse for women of color.

I understand the shock you are experiencing right now. You may be thinking, "don't women have equal rights?" Well yes, in theory, except for the fact that fifteen states still have not ratified the Equal Right Amendment, and it is still not part of the U. S. constitution (http://www.equalrightsamendment.org/).

I know, its hard to believe that in 2008 discrimination against a person would still happen based on their ethnicity or gender. I think that the recent elections have brought to the surface very difficult conversations about institutionalized racism and gender discrimination.

I can go on, but I think I will just say 'yeah, this shit is real.'

http://action.nwlc.org/site/PageServer?pagename=Blog_for_Fair_Pay

More than you ever wanted to know

I stole this from Holly who stole it from Maryann

Top Fives thing I can't live without, under $5

1. Bag Balm (yes it used for cow's utters, but it works magic on my lips)
2. Gnocchi
3. Small bottle of lotion for the purse
4. A cup of coffee
5. My e-mail (this may border on addiction)

Five Favorite Movies
(for those of you that have seen the blog "stuff white people like", this list may look familiar)

1. Any documentary ever made
2. Juno
3. Across the Universe
4. A League of Their Own
5. Rent

Five Songs that I listen to until I can't handle it anymore and then return to them in a month.

1. I am blessed to be a witness - Ben Harper
(this is not the real name of the song, but what it has been named on my iTunes)
2. Near to You - A Fine Frenzy
3. Not Ready to Make Nice - Dixie Chicks
(don't judge)
4. Too Long - Yael Naim
5. Diamonds on the Inside - Ben Harper

Five people/events that inspire my life

1. The Truth and Reconciliation Commission
2. John Perkins- Civil Rights leader and speaker of beautiful truth
3. Sheri Callow- Old youth pastor's wife who has made incredible, courageous choices
4. Cline and Henry- Children I nanny for who allow me to take part in their childhood wonder
5. Dr. Neuhouser- Professor and such a good mennonite

Five moments/events that changed my life

1. Seeing poverty with real faces
2. Taking Holistic Ministries my Freshman year and realizing that I could/was called to do more than just pray for someone in poverty, Jesus cares for the whole person.
3. Living in Scotland for seven months working with YWAM. I learned a lot about the ways that I want to express the grace of God and a lot about how I don't.
4. Going to South Africa and spending time in SOWETO. I have never had such hope that all that stuff Jesus said about forgiveness and turning the other cheek and being peacemakers could actually be true.
5. My parent's divorce. I know that is kind of debbie downer, but for a long time I didn't want that to be something that affected my life, but it did, and not all in bad ways.

Five current obsessions

1. Opening the window and burying myself in the covers
2. Dreaming about/attempting to plan the next six months of my life
3. NPR (always)
4. Netflix
5. Sitting next to Holly on the couch with both of our computers while simultaneously reading the same blogs. (Don't worry Dustin, we call this community and therefore it is).

Five places I would like to go

1. Switzerland (maybe attempt some canyoning and just see if I survive)
2. Arbroath, the tiny fishing town I lived in, in Scotland
3. French countryside
4. A treehouse in a forest
5. Vermont, and I would like to work on a farm even though I have never enjoyed any type of yardwork, ever.

(I need this list to be a LOT longer)

BONUS: Five querks/confessions about me

1. I don't really like talking in rooms when the doors are open
2. I yell really ridiculous things at other cars when I'm driving
3. I don't wear deodrant very often
4. I never really 'clean' things, I just make neat piles of shit
5. One time I broke a crayon in Third Grade and was so consumed by guilt I told my teacher.