An Explanation

So I knew when I made my new habits that this would probably not be one that I was going to keep. I just don't want to write about shallow shit. It is boring and then I am afraid I will loose all of you, my loyal readers. I will, however blog a couple times a week with something of semi depth.

Day 3: successful in the sleep and work out

Day 4: successful in the sleep

Day 5: Today. I really don't want to work out because basically my uterus is making me want to put a fork in my eye. My roommate told me that I should walk and I would feel better. bitch.

I am working a LOT this weekend so I will probs have some good things to share about that.

Tonight

I almost failed.

It was late and I just got home and didn't want to exercise, but I did. I got my pretty little behind in gear and grabbed a roommate and went on a walk . . . and then I wanted french fries.


Tonight I had dinner with the family I babysit for. I literally watched a baby move inside of the mom's stomach.

Some days I wish that having a baby was closer in the future.


Day 2: Successful

Here's the deal

I am starting some new habits.

Habit #1

Go to bed by midnight every night
(I tried this last night and then woke up multiple times in the middle of the night with sharp pains in the abdomen. When I am half awake this pain makes me think that I might be dying when really it is just gas. I am hoping tonight goes better).

Habit #2

Work out for at least 20 min everyday
(I have a very loose definition of 'working out'. Tonight it meant eat three cookies and do 20 min of very non-strenuous pilates).

Habit #3

Blog once a day
(I know, I know you are about to hyperventilate because you are so excited, but please calm down. There probably won't be much depth in these parts because let's be real you can't be this beautiful and be deep all the time).


I'll let you know how it goes.

Day 1: successful

It's noon

And I just brushed my teeth.

I should never have a job where I work from home

The grass is greener

Every couple of months I get this strong feeling that the grass is greener on the other side. With that comes a sleu of 'I should be' and 'I want' s. Here is a little list for a sneak peek.

I should be more patient

I should talk about myself less

I should work out more

I should spend less money

I should call my friends more

I should go out more

I should read more

I want to be closer to my family

I want to be in the sunshine
I want to be more adventurous
I want to be better at being a Christian

I want to have a better idea about my career path

I want to not be overwhelmed so easily
I want to have my own family in the next 6 years
I want to be better at living the things I say I care about


I heard a woman say once that if we are at a place in our life or our work where we need something external to change to make it better then that is a good sign that something deeper is going on, a deeper dissatisfaction. I know that if all of my wants turned into things that I have and if all my shoulds turned into things that I do I would likely still be unsatisfied at some point.

I think that this is just real life. Part of the human condition (whatever that means). Maybe we really are not meant for this place and that is why there will always be a part of me that feels like there is 'more'. Maybe it is because I am antsy and in my 20's and feel overwhelmed by all of the paths before me. I want to take the road less traveled, but the road of comfort and familiarity allows me to just take a deep breath. There must be a balance between the two and maybe that is where the list above begins to shrink.

Does he have a brother?

Ok, if you know me you have probably already seen this on facebook or I sent you an e-mail. This is the President's recent speech on creating an Executive Council on Women and Girls. I cannot begin to explain how refreshing it is to read headlines and speeches from an administration that seems to really get that we are all connected.



P.S. This does mean that Obama is a feminist. Just in case there was any question on what a feminist looks like :)

At Peace

Today was a good day. I am not really sure what to say right now. I don't think this will be very eloquent.

I presented at the Women Studies class at SPU today. I had the opportunity to talk about the work that I do. I think it was the first time in a long time that I was really moved by the beauty of the experiences I get to have.

I get to meet women in their deep places of suffering and see their strength in a way that gives me hope. Hope that in our core we are created to live with one another in a way where violence is not the answer.

I get to tell them that they aren't crazy, it is not their fault, and no it is not ok, as they look at me through tear filled eyes grasping for some sense of normalcy.

Today I felt a deeper sense of hope that we are not created to live in a world where we hurt each other. I feel like I understand what it means to worship a resurrected Messiah, maybe more than I have in a long time.

Today I feel at peace.


"If we have no peace it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other"
- Mother Theressa