Open letter to Seattle

Dear Seattle,
I know that it rains a lot here. We all try to act like its no big deal and it doesn't make us depressed and we can handle it because people are dying from poverty (and we are all working in non-profits to try and fix it).
Let me ask you a question Seattle, why the hell do we not use umbrellas. I know that using them would be admitting some sort of defeat, like the rain actually does hit our heads and it is actually annoying. Let me suggest that we get over our smug attitudes toward umbrellas. I just think that a little gem like the umbrella above would make it ok that it gets dark at 3:30 pm every freakin night.

Please reconsider.

Sincerely,
Kelsey

P.S. My Birthday is in a week and the umbrellas are under $40 and they can be found here

http://www.umbrellas.net/less_than_40_s/56.htm

This is why it matters

These two boys waited as a long line of adults greeted Senator Obama before a rally on Martin Luther King Day in Columbia, S.C. They never took their eyes off of him. Their grandmother told me, "Our young men have waited a long time to have someone to look up to, to make them believe Dr. King's words can be true for them." Jan. 21, 2008.

From Here: http://digitaljournalist.org/issue0810/callie-bp.html

Beauty

I found this gem right here

http://anahata.typepad.com/my_weblog

In the middle

As you may know (I've probably mentioned it at least 10 times on this blog and at least once each day) I was in a few weddings this summer. It has been wonderful and fun (I may have actually enjoyed dancing), but at times really awkward. There are a series of questions I get asked at events like this that make me wish I could orchestrate great stories so the real answers feel less painful.

Here are some examples:

"So do you have a boyfriend?"
What I am thinking: "none of your damn business "
What I say: "no not right now"

"So when is it your turn?"
What I am thinking: "I wasn't aware that there was a line. Maybe I just forgot to hop in the 'please marry me' line"
What I say: "Oh I don't know (insert awkward smile trying to make that question less painful)."

"Are you just not into dating right now?"
What I am thinking: "No, I have not been 'into dating' for 23 years'. Of course I am into dating, but it just hasn't been that easy and how the hell do you expect me to answer that question without being inappropriately vulnerable"
What I say: "Well, I am open to it, its just not the most important thing to me"

This all feels like a complicated dance to not be too vulnerable, too sad, or appear to have desperate written across all of my face.

I was talking to my therapist about this awkward line to walk. I don't want to appear like I need to be married for my life to be whole but I also don't want to pretend like I don't want to be with someone right now. My therapist asked me why I can't be somewhere in the middle? I feel like I am in the middle, but I don't know how to express that and I don't think I have had a lot of examples of how to comfortably be in between both of those places.

So, here I am, trying to live in the middle. I have a job that feels important, I am working on figuring out what it means for me to be a Christian, on most days I feel pretty whole and I think these are things I would like to share with someone in the near future.

I couldn't resist

I know it is no shock to anyone that I am not a huge Palin fan. I thought that this video was rather poignant. I will just say that just because Sarah Palin is a woman does not mean that she is a feminist. Having a woman in power does not necessarily mean that she doesn't buy into patriarchal ideas.

# 10

Yes my friends, it is true, wedding #10 of me being a bridesmaid has come and gone. It was wonderful for a lot of reasons, but I may just start with one of them. This reason may also explain my blogging absence.

I have wonderful friends. They know how to listen, how to ask questions, how to lovingly tell me that I am taking myself way too seriously. I feel known when I am with these women. It has been a joy to see them make commitments to loving partners and to see some of them leave Seattle and others leave the country.

All of this change has left me feeling a bit lonely. I haven't blogged in a while because I don't want this to be a place where I am awkwardly vulnerable. I sort of have this idea that that should happen with people before I write it on the internet.

At this last wedding I had the chance to reconnect with a group of women that I love dearly. They have watched me go through many different stages of becoming who I am and they have always been loving and faithful. I needed to share the sadness of not being with them as much as I want before I could share it here.

This weekend was rejuvenating and reminded me that sometimes we just have to say how we are feeling before we can expect people to care for us in the ways we need to be cared for. This doesn't mean things are instantly perfect. I am still sad occasionally and I am working on adjusting to big kid life. I might be better at sharing those things (and maybe some useless funny things) here, but not before I first share with those who care for me.

My mom the wineo

Conversation that took place this evening with my mom, post just enough wine for her to be a bit funny

Me: Hey mom can we go skinny dipping tonight? Will you or the neighbors see?

Mom: No I checked it out

Me: Oh you went to all the neighbor's houses to check and see if they have a view of the pool?

Mom: ignores comment

Mom: You can go take those noodles and straddle one and put one around you and just float.

Laurieann: I don't think I want to use one of those noodles, I don't know where they've been

Mom: No, they're not gooey

Me: Uncontrollable laughter

Welcome to my life. If anyone is interested in making a movie of this madness just let me know :)